Fadge. Frim. An Oxford English Dictionary Field Trip.

Twelfth Night is one of my favorite Shakespeare plays.
Viola is a real badass.
One of the words she uses is "fadge."
This is a cool word.
It is so cool that my professor urged us to get it back into circulation.
My efforts have not yielded much fruit. Maybe this post will change this.
One of my treasured possessions is a 1971 edition of the Compact Edition of the Oxford English Dictionary. It came with a magnifying glass and everything. And the smell is so "book." Beautiful paper, ink, binding=book smell that engenders bliss. All of the following quotes and definitions are from this tome of wondrousness.
So. Fadge."To fit, suit, be suitable."
Here is one example of how "fadge" was used in George Whetstone’s The Right Excellent Historye of Promos and Cassandra: "Sir, this match fadged frim."
"Frim" is a word I hadn't heard of until I read this example.
So I looked that up, too.
"Frim" is "Vigourous, flourishing, luxuriant in growth, full-fleshed."
So the guy thought that Promos and Cassandra's relationship was going to turn out real well.
A little more research and I found out that this was one of Shakespeare's, uh, "sources" for Measure for Measure.
I'm not going to tell you if the match fadged frim or not, because I don't believe in spoilers. But if anyone asks, I will reveal the ending of the timeless classic Gammer Gurton's Needle.
May we all fadge frim.

Exploding Peeps.

Peeps, in this context, refers strictly to those marshmallow candies that are widely available this time of year.
I don't think of Peeps as food. I do not mean to offend anyone, as there are many different palates to please in this world and I am a big proponent of choices.
I have another use for Peeps.
I explode them.
I started exploding Peeps before YouTube existed.
I thought I was the only one.
I discovered that, when I felt the oppressions endemic to the teaching profession threatened to overwhelm my generally sunny disposition, that going to the microwave and putting a Peep in the microwave and watching it for forty-five seconds or so as it shifted, bulged, and swelled into Jabba the Hut-like proportions helped me vent my spleen in a harmless way.
Catharsis!
So I held a Peep Joust the day before Spring Break in the staff lounge. I made blueberry coffee cake and the husband of one of our amazing Assistant Principals made scones.
I brought the Peeps, too.
Because I was stressed (gradegradegrade!) I sat down and made some Augmented Peeps.
Princess Leia Peep, R2D2 Peep (not for the microwave),Storm Trooper Peep, Disco Peep, and Little Bo Peep.
And then when one of my colleagues got to school, he made a Peeping Tom.
My colleagues are very tolerant and supportive people.
And then Peep Carnage ensued.
And it was good.

Destination Charges.

I like this phrase.
Think about it.
"Destination charges."
One of the units I teach this time of year is about Buying a Car. I teach the Angel Potatoes what financing means, and the cost of a loan, and the kids make spreadsheets with expenses related to owning a car, like insurance and gas and interest and depreciation and five-year cost of ownership.I teach them to always make an appointment at the DMV. I lead them through a negotiation process, and they repeat after me: "Thank you for your time. I am sorry that you were not able to meet my price. I will seek out a better deal at (fill in the blank)."
And we go over "destination charges."
According to The Finance Owl: "Destination Charge – A fixed fee which reflects the average cost a dealer would pay for the shipping and delivering a new car."
This is not a very interesting definition. But.
Think about what it means when it applies to writing.
I am thinking about what it took to make me who I am and what it took to get me where I am in life and how that all relates to what and why I write.
I mostly write in this blog about books and teaching. I don't write about the how of my works in progress because I don't think my Why or my How could possibly be interesting to anyone else. Creativity and the Why and the How are not things I need to make concrete.
I like that there are mysteries in life.
And I would like to twist the phrase a little bit, because not everything in life is a charge or a cost. There are lots of gains, too.
See how this works: Destination Charges not as a noun+noun but as a noun+verb. Make it active.
Destination charges.
Yeah. I like this a whole lot better.
Charge.

Cuckoo's Nest and Flaming Wicker Baskets.

One year I was teaching One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey.
Because it has a few f-bombs and Adult Situations in it I had to let parents opt their kids out of reading the book.
I thought this was dumb, because my stance is now and was then that if you are old enough to drive a car, or are within striking distance of driving a car, you are old enough to decide what you are able to read. Plus, if you are a young adult, chances are you have heard a few f-bombs and are aware of Adult Situations.
But I kept this opinion to myself because embarrassing a kid because of a parent's choice is worse than dumb.Plus, I am a big advocate of having choices and so there it was.
I wrote the parent a letter. I asked the parent if The Scarlet Letter would be acceptable.
It was.
A fornicating man of the cloth and the suffering of a single mother and a stalker of a husband was more acceptable than a book that shows us how to be human.
I'll never understand people.
So when the class read One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest my Scarlet Letter kid had to leave.
All was well for a really long time.
One day after school I was in my classroom grading essays. I grade in green, the color of hope.
And this woman walks in and says, "Miss Pelfrey!"and I look up and this woman stalks towards me, jabs her finger in my face, and says, "You are going to hell!"
I don't like people up in my face.
If you are eighteen or younger, I have the patience of Job and I think before I speak. If you are between eighteen and twenty-five I cut you a lot of slack because brains take awhile to fully develop. If you appear older than twenty-five and charge into my space all het up and quivering with rage and I don't know who you are I just speak my piece.
So when Quivering Rage Woman told me I was going to hell, I said, "Would that be in a flaming wicker basket? Because I know my ancestors sent people to hell that way."
And Quivering Rage Woman nearly combusted.
It was impressive. You know those fish and you touch them or creep them out and they swell up? It was like that.
"I'm going to see your principal," she said.
"Do you know where the office is?" I always try to be helpful and calm in stressful situations.
So she hissed herself out of my room.
I stop grading papers because grading papers when you are mad is mean.
And I wondered what I had done to get sent to hell. And how this woman knew it. And why she needed to come tell me in person.
It was a mystery.
So I went to the office to tell the principal that Quivering Rage Woman was probably going to call him, and that I was going to hell.
Quivering Rage Woman had just left. I knew this when he said, "Kristen, can I see you for a minute?" and then shut his office door.
And he said, "'Flaming wicker baskets?'"
And then he laughed and laughed and remonstrated just a little for my lapse in Consummate Professionalism.
So Quivering Rage Woman, it turns out, was the mom who did not want her child exposed to Filth.
But her kid heard about some of our discussions about the book and relayed them to the mom.
The mom got upset.
I was still mystified. I did not know that discussing a novel made me a Purveyor of Filth.
Thing is? Some people are going to see evil where none exists, no matter what you do, and they are going to take it upon themselves to Pass Judgment.
Kind of like in The Scarlet Letter.

BZRK. A Book by Michael Grant.

BZRK is the title of a new book by Michael Grant. This link will take you to his bio, which pretty much sums up what you need to know about him and will probably make you laugh. If his name sounds familiar, you have probably read the Animorphs books that he wrote with his wife, author K.A. Applegate.
He wrote the Gone series as well, and the newest book in that series, Fear, which comes out on April 3.
My students, known as Angel Potatoes, and I are big fans of Michael Grant.
His book BZRK has been out for about a month.
The thing about this book is that you will read it with your mouth hanging open pretty much the whole time.
Nanotechnology takes on new, real, raw meaning.
One of my students bought a copy because my copy was checked out.
She came in with her hair on fire.
Here is our conversation.
Student: "My eyes! My eyes!"
Me: "I know! I think mascara will help protect them. And the Meat!"
We nod and shudder in a happy way.
And another student says, "Wait, what book is this?"
Student tries to describe BZRK. The other student gets on the waiting list for the book.
It doesn't take a whole lot to make my day.

Awesomesauce. Andrew Smith and A.S. King

Happy day to all of you.
I am happy to be an A-Z Challenge participant this year.
Today I am talking about Awesomesauce.
I picked up this term from a student.
When adults use the parlance of younger adults it is often cringe-inducing and unfortunate.
But I'm going to use "Awesomesauce" because it makes me laugh and because it is an apt word for today's discussion.
Andrew Smith and A.S. King are writers who have unequivocally earned the term "Awesomesauce" in my classroom.
Their names also start with the letter "A". I do not think this is a coincidence.
I don't believe in coincidences.
You need to read books by these authors. Trust me on this. It doesn't matter what genre or age group you like: Good Books are Good Books.
And these authors are in my pantheon of authors of Good Books.
And it isn't just because I am a better person, writer, and teacher because I have read these books.
It's because of how my students, known as Angel Potatoes (there's the letter "A" again) feel about books by Andrew Smith and A.S. King.
They leave the class with these books and come back more comfortable in their skins and in their world.
Do yourself a big ol' favor and read Everybody Sees the Ants by A.S. King. All of King's books are awesomesauce, but this book is her most recent and making the acquaintance of the ants (starts with an "A") will be one of the best things you ever do for yourself. A.S. King has Magical Writing Pants and likes corn.
And about Andrew Smith's books. Just do this: Don't read jacket copy or Goodreads or any of that. Just choose one and start reading. Try The Marbury Lens on for size and have your head explode in a million parallel universes. Try Stick and see how words on a page can break your heart and fill it with transcendent beauty.
I'm telling you: Awesomesauce.
Oh. And here is an important thing to know: A.S. King's Ask the Passengers and Andrew Smith's Passenger (sequel to The Marbury Lens) will both be out Fall 2012.

Checked Out.

I know!
I've been out of action for a little bit.
Today I am talking about book trailers.
But first, please go read this un-review of Please Ignore Vera Dietz, by A.S. King, written by my friend Matthew MacNish.
If you have not yet read every book by A.S. King, you need to do so. And you will want to keep your copies, but since they are the kinds of books that make life better for all kinds of people, you would do well to share the awesomesauce and donate your copies to, say, a school library or even a computer lab's Underground Library.
(I realize that this is not subtle. People, I done run out of subtle.)
And, if you check out Matthew's blog today, you will see the cover of the sequel to The Marbury Lens, by Andrew Smith. It's called Passenger.
I showed my students the cover of Passenger today. There was an outcry when I said "This is the cover reveal" and they were indignant that I revealed a cover to a book that's not even out yet. The students made a few signs for Andrew and we exploded some stuff in the microwave in a show of enthusiasm.
I'm pretty sure it was enthusiasm. Since I left my iPod at school I couldn't email the pictures to Andrew or post them here.
And The Marbury Lens is checked out.Here is the book trailer:

You will notice that there is a high level of Creep and Disturb in the book trailer. That is because there is a high level of Creep and Disturb in the book.
There is a high factor of Creep and Disturb in life, too, if you have been paying any attention at all for however many years you have been alive.
Last week I ruffled feathers by showing the kids the book trailer for The Dust of 100 Dogs, which also happens to be by A.S. King.

It was checked out.
I was told that if I don't have the book available to be checked out, I shouldn't show them the book trailer.
They were not appeased that I have started a waiting list, and that I have written grants.
I have one student working on a book trailer right now. The other students will storyboard their book trailers this next quarter.
This is why we watch book trailers.
It is also part of the Revolution, which involves saving humanity by having people who haven't ruined the world gain tools for fixing the world by reading the Best Books Ever.
I also showed them the book trailer for Michael Grant's BZRK, which is, you guessed it, CHECKED OUT.

Superhero? God? What it All Means.

One of my classes is full of comic book afficionados.
For the last several weeks during project time, a conversation turns into a debate.
The subject is,"Who is the best superhero?"
My students have strong feelings about this topic.
Student A: "Superman would OWN Batman."
Student B: "No! Uh-Uh. The Green Lantern!"
Student C: "Batman rules. You guys are fools." And then makes a little rap about it, complete with sound effects.
Student D: "Thor. It's all about Thor."
Student B: "Thor isn't a superhero. He's a GOD."
Everyone gets quiet for a minute.
Student D: "Why can't a god be a superhero? He has powers and stuff."
Student A: "Because he's a god. You can't be a superhero AND a god."
Student D turns to me. "Why can't a god be a superhero?"
Me: (Making the Universal Symbol for Frontal Lobe Development) "I don't think what I think matters in this discussion. You show me your reasoning."
Student A: "Superman.Dude. Batman wouldn't be a superhero at all if he didn't have all that money. It's not like he was BORN with powers."
It seems that this struck a nerve. Several students nodded.
And then they went back to work.
And left me thinking about the nature of heroes, power, and money.

The Cat Daddy. A Nice Classroom Moment.

In the wake of my interpretive dance, performed as a part of a school fundraiser, several students have been giving me Helpful Tips.

Student: I liked your dance.

Me: Thank you.

Student: I think you need to learn the Seatbelt.

Me: What?

(Other students murmur approvingly)

Student: (demonstrates the Seatbelt)

Me: Of course. The Seatbelt.

Student: Try it.

Me:(bites lip) Show me again, son.

Student: (repeats Seatbelt)

Me: Um. Okay. (Attempt the Seatbelt. It is lame and lurpy)

Student: Uh. You know there are tutorials on YouTube.

Me: I will take that under advisement. (There are three minutes left in class.)

Another Student: And the Cat Daddy. You need to do the Cat Daddy.

(Other students unsuccessfully try to control their mirth.)

Me:(wary) Cat Daddy?

(Several students demonstrate. I am relieved to see that the Cat Daddy does not appear lewd.)

Students: Try it! Try it!

Me: I will watch the tutorial.(Logs in to YouTube, under "teachable moment" license.)

We all watch the Cat Daddy tutorial. It is impressive.

I try it. Kind of.

Happiness ensues, and students exit with good cheer.

Interview with a Writer, Part 2. Boys, Reading, and the Stunning Capture of a Lingerie Thief.

Michael Crichton used to live next door to my grandmother. He used to peel out of his driveway really fast.
Almost getting hit by Michael Crichton's car was my closest brush with an author until my brother got published.
So the interview continues.
Kristen:So let's talk about high school. What did you learn?
Matt: Typing. Typing was the best thing. Really handy.
Kristen: What about reading Billy Budd?
Matt: Never read it.
Kristen: I didn't read it either. Until later.
Matt:I probably should read it.
Kristen: You've had a very productive life so far. I wouldn't worry about it too much.
So why did you choose to write plays?
Matt: Because of Eric Bergosian and Talk Radio. I wanted to be a cool dude like that.
Kristen: I remember your first play. Father Fatal. Why that subject?
Matt: I liked the idea of a crucifix that shot daggers. That's a natural.
Kristen: One of the things I so enjoy about watching your plays is how scenes from Growing Up Pelfrey show up.Like actual scenes from our family. And what I think is really interesting is that everyone laughs at those parts and thinks they are the least realistic part of the play.
Matt: Yeah, like in Monkey.
Kristen: Exactly. No one would believe that Dad promised to get you a monkey when you were sixteen. And the trauma that happened when the monkey never materialized.
Matt: Dad thought I would forget.
Kristen: He was wrong.
Matt: It's a deep wound.
Kristen:(maintains respectful silence.)
Matt: And the three thousand year old crack.
Kristen: That crack shows up in my work in progress. Is it plagiarism if siblings draw on the same set of memories?
Matt: I doubt that we will use the crack the same way.
Kristen: True. So tell us how you caught a panty thief, and what effect that has had on your work.
Matt: It's a long story.
Kristen: Yeah, but I like it. I mean, two teen boys catch a panty thief while said thief was raiding the mom's panties?
Matt: Sissy. I got a kid crying here.
Kristen:(sighs) Well, okay. Next week?
Matt:Call me after The Walking Dead.